Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Not sure what to title this. Been thinking about it a lot. Why write? I am asked almost daily. I am not a writer as you can see if you read my books. No flowery prose. No verbiage you have to grab a dictionary to figure out what the hell I am talking about. ( I am currently reading a book that is about the Indians in the Americas before Columbus (1491) I do need a dictionary nearly every page) SO why write? I recently had a reviewer read the first book and HAMMER me in the review. I was labeled a sadistic cop.... I loved the review. I am going to post excerpts of the review in the book. Why? Because she got it. She should be outraged. I was working this job, living this calls, trying to stay sane at witnessing the brutality. I failed miserably. I admit I don't have the stones to see a woman's hand twisted and broken into a puzzle by her boyfriend and not feel an intense desire to end his needless heartbeats and breathing. I wanted to work within the broken system and just take him to jail...but again I did not have the stones to walk away unaffected, so we went for a drive. I told the reviewer I really liked the review and she was shocked. It was critical and she felt I would be mad. Nope I get it, I too used to get pissed at the cops I worked with for their lack of faith in the system. Wasn't long however till I felt what they felt. So why write? Three reasons have come to mind in the past year, One: I cant seem to stop. Shit is pouring out at an alarming pace. Hoping that Book 3, Curbchek-Reload is the end of the cop books. Hoping that no more memories are hiding in the attic waiting to come down and haunt my days, and sleep. That would be a nice thought. Two: people like my reviewer who thought she would make me mad at criticizing the book would offend me. No not at all I am offended by people have no comment, who this doesnt bother, who would not take a stand. That offends me. These stories bother the hell out of me, and they should bother you. Sadistic? sure, I can accept that but how did I get here? Read between the lines.... Three: this surprises me the most. Not sure what to think about it. But here it is. I have had several e mails, FB messages, and comments in person from people who have told me that they never read....NEVER! and they read my books and liked them. One grown man told me that he had not read a book since he was locked up in "Juvie" 17 years ago. We were adversaries on the streets. He read the books and liked them. He messaged me to thank me for writing the books and said that he was going to start reading again. He had forgot how much he liked reading. My books reminded him. He lived the subject matter, we were there together, on opposite sides of the fence. Now he reads my books and others because I wrote. Don't know what to feel about that. Shit hits home, deep... after 30 years now as a cop in both the civilian and military worlds I dont feel like I made a damn bit of difference. I just held the line, patrolled, made arrests, went to court. But made a difference? No. I don't know what that feels like. One banger still rolling the streets is reading books written by the cop who arrested him many times.... how should I feel about that?